Whew!
I made it.
It feels great.
What can I share about it? Let’s see…
Well, I’ve been on a healing journey, clearing out old energetic patterns.
I’ve been honest; I’ve been true to myself. I’ve held my light, even when I let it be small. I’ve observed: I’ve looked and seen, listened and heard, engaged and felt.
It’s been tough, I’m not going to lie. And I know there will be additional moments of continuing. But this is about this moment, and how I got here.
It started with my own pent up & regressed energy, expanded to some past life trauma related to current connections and then expanded again to clear out ancestral patterns. Those were the toughest, because I had no reference for them, so they just became this knot of frustration.
I was paying attention to the cycles – I know I wrote about that and I’m not entirely sure how deep into it I got, but I was going through them multiple times. Getting stronger each time, but becoming frustrated with myself then – for still being in the same cycle – and being receptive in that, the frustration became a magnet for more frustrating situations, reinforcing itself. It was nightmarish, to be honest, but I worked it out.
I made a few mistakes, of course, but I learned from them.
Altering the way we engage with people and the world around us to be more authentic is trying, because we’re changing our long-held patterns and way of being; what we’ve believed to be, but what isn’t actually so.
What we’ve believed ourselves to be, but which we actually aren’t.
Okay, I say trying, but I actually found it extremely annoying – enraging actually. I have an ego, I can admit that. I have personality and I don’t like to be put in uneasy situations. I like to coast. Why struggle when you don’t have to? (Oh, metamorphosis.)
Here was one: “Am I being manipulated right now? What is this? Is this intentional or is this person just unaware of their own energy?”
I didn’t know, but I went with it. It’s the game of life, right? I’m here. I’m gonna play.
So I went there. How many times? ######### (I couldn’t say; I wasn’t counting.)
This process helped me release the rage, the frustration and a slew of other emotions (self-doubt, disappointment, humility — there was really only a sliver of that left; I make a fool of myself all the time) which needed to be released, so all in all it was a massive blessings.
And here I am.
With clarity.