Santa Muerta

A few years ago, I got reiki attunements from a curandero reiki master. The guardian of the second was Santa Muerta. So: to receive my second attunement, I needed to journey to her.

I had no idea what I was doing.

No idea why I was doing what I was doing. And I’m still processing quite a bit of it. But I understand the greater purpose. And I trusted myself; so, I’m looking forward to seeing the results.

It was quite a journey.

Santa Muerta is not one to take lightly. I’ve said that before. When you’re with her, you do what you need to do. You act. I saw my sister cleaning up my apartment after my death at one point. (I guess I wasn’t acting enough then.) I felt the emotional reaction of that. And I declined that future. So, I lived. “So, I lived.”

I was listening to a tarot reader on youtube the other day – yesterday, maybe? – and she mentioned survivor’s guilt. Which I don’t have, from this life. But it struck me. It hit a chord, as they say. I’ve had at least one past life where I was one of a few survivors – I didn’t see it myself, but a friend of mine did – so maybe I had it then. There’s definitely an emotional residue of that somewhere within my awareness of my being. (This tangent brought to you by my analyzing saying the words: “So, I lived.”)

There’s more to this story, including meeting people who were dying, dealing with the death of loved ones, diving into my family’s history and connecting with deceased family members – found out my Great Aunt Phyl was a smoker (I was surprised, but have since confirmed with my mom and aunt) – and even dancing with the dead. I did that tonight, in fact. (It wasn’t the first time, though.) Hey: the dead need some joy, too.

It got tough, I won’t lie; I actually needed some joy myself, and I was happy for the company. (Though not altogether trusting. Just to be clear.)

Ultimately, a big part of it was learning the boundaries of the self. That’s being clear, too. Clearing the aura to gain clarity. I’m fairly sensititve and I pick up a lot of “stuff” that isn’t mine, so I needed to learn how to own my space, to use my energy field on purpose and with intention. And doing that starts with identifying the boundaries of the self, on all levels.

We live in such a fascinating place, and at a fascinating time. There are so many layers to explore.