How much of who we are is inherent? How much is learned? How much is constant? How much is fluid? Ether?
The spirit seems infinite, though my perspective is limited.
What is a person’s life when it’s all said and done? The totality of their lived experience and choices? What about the potentials they chose against? How does that factor in?
How do you share the things that truly matter to your development as a soul? To the unique expression of spirit that is you? And how do you know? (How do you know what is uniquely you, and how do you know what truly matters?) Do you measure what matters in the moment, or do you measure what matters for the long run?
These are all questions that have come up as I’m processing the passing of my father.
“Go easy.”
He would say that instead of goodbye. I didn’t understand it, but he said it so confidently, like it really meant something. I had to ask someone, who said it was like a hippie thing. Of course, I learned to understand.
“Kaspische? Verstehen?” He would say that to us as kids, too.
He did a really good Donald Duck impression.
I used to believe he actually ate our mud pies. I was convinced.
My dad was a believer. He believed in the gates of St. Peter, and I felt him there after he passed. It took me awhile to realize what was happening. He felt heavy in a sense — weighted. Stagnant. (Waiting.) Aware but not processing. And then it clicked: “Ahh, he’s waiting at the gate.” Because he believed in it.
It’s really kind of beautiful, if I’m being honest. All the different paths we can take through our lives as individual souls and as a part of a collective. That as we pass through life, and as we pass from life, our religious and spiritual beliefs influence our experience. That even our soul transitions in accordance with them.
And if you think about it, it actually does make sense. Because as we leave this plane, we release our personality, that part of us that is self-identied. Ego.
Throughout his journey, my dad adopted recovery acronyms, and shared them on occasion. One that sits with me: EGO. Edging God Out.
As we release our ego, as our personality lifts, our soul lightens. And there is God.